Mellifluous turns of phrase where not wholly expected

I am not anti-lawyer–lord knows that they run in my family like wooden legs. They have a way with words that can rock my socks.  My son has emailed me the form lease he’s been provided by his potential first landlord and so I get to enjoy a whole new slate of canned phrases previously unmet by my ear:

“to pay…tax, water, sewerage charges…(even if of a novel nature)”

“THE REPAIRING STANDARD”

repetitions of “the currency of the tenancy” [you have to say that one aloud to fully appreciate]

the property is to be kept  “reasonably aired and warm” (rather like a baby?)

“to keep…rockeries neat”

In an equal opportunity banning, neither “blu tac, white tac nor any form of adhesive tape” can be used.

Punctuation gives new  (and peculiar) legs to timeworn phrases:

“This paragraph does not apply to damage caused by fair, wear and tear and vandals…”

For his part, the landlord owes the tenant “quiet enjoyment” of the property.

And there are the practical bits of advice:

“The Tenant….must not act in an antisocial manner…against any person in the neighbourhood.”

One is prohibited from leaving rubbish “at inappropriate times.”

“If parties are held the numbers attending are limited to a reasonable number” is amplified by a statement suggesting that 20 seems to be the breaking point between reasonable and eyebrow raising.

“The first named tenant on this lease is deemed the Fire Officer for the property.”  Fire safety is BIG, as: “The tenants are to check one different smoke detector each week and enter the test in the log book provided.”

All in all, it beats heck out of the lease-free dump I took as my first joint effort in independent living.

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One Response to “Mellifluous turns of phrase where not wholly expected”

  1. Sarah Dentan Says:

    ”reasonably aired and warm” can be a challenge, but it’s important if you don’t want mildew-stains on everything…

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